Friday, November 20, 2015

Our fertility journey

Things are about to get a little personal.  Enter at your own risk.....

First things first, the exciting news in case you missed it.  We are pregnant!

Photo Credit: torileigh.net
I debated whether or not to write about our journey up to this point because of its personal nature and honestly because it hurts to talk about it.  I decided it would be therapeutic to share my story on this space of mine so as someone who researches everything, our journey may help the next couple in need who is experiencing a similar situation.  So for that reason, my heart compelled me to share our story.

Here we go.

In January 2014, just 4 months into our life as a newlywed couple I found out I had uterine fibroids.  At that time, I did not know much about them or what it would mean to have them.  My doctor at the time immediately recommended a myomectomy to have them removed.  According to her, my chances of getting pregnant without removal were slim.  At that time, there were several in various sizes all inside my uterus.  Well, I couldn't take her word for it so I went in search of a second opinion which eventually led to third, and even fourth opinion before I took the steps to have the operation. Well she and all of the other doctors were wrong. 

In June 2014, we found out we were pregnant with our first baby.  Total surprise!  We were overjoyed because up until this point, 3 doctors told us we probably wouldn't get pregnant without the myomectomy.  This was a blessing from none of than our Lord and Savior.  Unfortunately, at just 9 weeks along, we found out our baby no longer had a heartbeat.  Laying in that ultrasound room hearing those words ripped my heart out.  This was a pain like none other I have ever experienced and my grief for the lost of our first child continues to this day.  We prayed for this child everyday of it's short life but he or she is now with the Lord.  I now understand that he has a plan and during times like these it is easy to forget that.

Losing our child brought on an overwhelming sense of guilt that my decision to not have the myomectomy was the reason for the miscarriage.  Even though, there is no proof the fibroids were the cause of the loss, as a mother I still felt responsible.  The good news in all of this is I loved my OBGYN that I saw during the pregnancy.  I was finally comfortable enough with a doctor  to proceed with the operation.  On October 1, 2014, I went through an open-myomectomy and had 7 rather large fibroid tumors removed from my body.  Guys, on top of all of this I managed have two major accidents in which I burned my hand in our gas fireplace and sliced my finger open with a kitchen knife.  To say 2014 was a rough year is an understatement.

The recovery was mentally, physically, and emotionally draining but with the help of the Lord and my family, I made it through.  My doctor recommended we wait at least 6 months before trying to conceive again to give my uterus time to heal.  In April 2015, we got the green light to proceed.

We did not try too hard right away to get pregnant honestly.  We didn't want to get too crazy stressed out over the baby making process as we were fearful of more disappointment.  Four months after receiving the green light from my Doctor that we can start trying again to get pregnant, we took a pregnancy test over Labor Day weekend and it was a whopping positive!  We were officially pregnant with your second child and beyond overjoyed!  This news immediately took me to fear and worry because I just don't think I can handle the loss of another baby.  So we kept the news to ourselves until we made it past 10 weeks which is a week longer than our first baby lived. Not telling our family was so hard.  So hard that I kind of avoided everyone for a few weeks just so if they asked me something about being pregnant I wouldn't have to lie.  We went ahead and told our parents, siblings, and close friends after the 10 week ultrasound.  Now that we are officially out of the first trimester, we finally feel comfortable announcing our joy with the world!  I am presently almost 16 weeks.  I am still petrified, full of worry, anxiousness, and fear of something awful happening because of my past experience.  Every doctors appointment I am extremely anxious and praying "Lord please just let my babies heart still be beating."  Scary and unsettling place to be.  These fears robbed me of joy through my 1st trimester.  I finally decided I have to let go and enjoy this time with my unborn child.   I prayed and continue to do so everyday that God gives me the strength to except his will, whatever it may be, as he may see it fit to call this baby home as well before we get the chance to hold them in our arms.  I decided I have to stop robbing myself of the joy that comes along with expecting the arrival of a child.  So after 15 long weeks of silence, I finally decided it was time to spread my joy to the world.


I still have a fibroid that was too risky to remove during the surgery without severely damaging my uterus so there is always the possibility it will grow or multiply which my doctor is watching closely.  I also know they can return at any point so I realize how important it is we have children right away.  I don't want to have another surgery.  I really don't.  And I realize one day a hysterectomy may be the end of my battle with fibroids so in the meantime I want to do everything I can to start and complete our family.

I say all of this to say, that with God all things are possible.  It doesn't matter what the doctors say- I had 3 of them tell me I would not get pregnant before I had my fibroids removed and we see how that turned out!  Everyone's journey is different.  Some of us struggle before we are blessed with our little miracle but that makes the blessing that much greater when you see God bless you in a miraculous way.  So please ladies, don't give up.  Put your faith into The Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart.

I really hope this story helps someone.  Please feel free to write me if you have any questions or just need someone to talk to as you try to conceive your very own little miracle.

loss, grief, miscarriage, fibroids, infertility, hope, faith

3 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. This is encouraging .thank you Tasha❤

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